Hmm, learn to stop
thinking. We hear its meant to be
good for you. But I tried and ... [fill in the blank]. This is where many people
get stuck.
As anyone reading my blog will know, I’ve developed a regular
meditation practice over the last couple of years.
What’s fascinating me right now is how the practice is evolving within me.
It’s a different experience than it was.
A facet of this occurred to me this morning. While I was
waiting for the 1 train on the subway, a parallel hit me. Meditation is a skill, but one thing about meditation is different from any other skill. The classic Conscious Competence graph will help illustrate.
The unique part of
meditation is what being conscious within meditation means. In stages 2 and 3, during the conscious stages, we have to think about the act of
non-thinking to do it.
This contradiction feels different than it does when learning other skills. When we're learning to drive, for instance, the fact we think to ourselves, ok, clutch first, then gear, now release clutch, doesn't undermine our confidence that we're changing a gear correctly. We know it's just part of the learning process.
Then after many miles of driving, when we become unconsciously competent, but occasionally stall the car because we're being absent-minded, we go back to consciously changing the gear, but we don't think we're worthless drivers. We know we were just abent-minded for a moment.
Something about meditation is different. The initial contradiction is unsettling. To think our way into a non-thinking pattern feels like we are screwing up the whole thing. We're thinking!, the very thing we're letting go. And when we inevitably stall the car, we tend to critique the entire concept of meditation in a more personal and fundamental language. We forget this is just a skill.
My own practice seems deeply rooted in conscious competence right now. About 75% of the time I think about each step. But occasionally I slip into this effortless stream, I experience a taste of how the skill is unfolding within me. And it's beautiful.
The key to getting this far, I think, has been to trust the process. There's a lot of good teaching out there. But we have to show up, have faith in the teaching, and keep at it. Like any worthwhile skill, it takes time.
From what I can tell, the more accurate graph might be the this one.
I like how this graph reveals a deeper complexity of skill development. While some parts of meditation flow for me now, other parts are just revealing themselves.
During my first year of mediation, I didn't have the community I do now to discuss my confusion and frustration. So I read a lot of books. But chatting to real people is better. I wish I'd had someone I could ask. If anyone reading this would like to discuss their journey, give me a shout.
Peace and blessings.
